one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
