lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
