I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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