It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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