I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
