im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
