Yo dont text me then not text me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize