oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
