The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
