ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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