My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
