Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
