sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
