he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
