I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
