we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
