Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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