Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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