Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
