I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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