y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
