Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
