dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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