I'm eating all of the evidence.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
