508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize