there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
