I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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