I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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