Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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