I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
