Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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