idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
