16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
