Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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