Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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