I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
