College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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