You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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