Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
