My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the day after is always just damage control
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
