drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So many bounce houses so little time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
