Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
