thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
