They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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