cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
