I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
