the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they're like a gay fantastic four
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
