Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Of course I have a pirate flag
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
