Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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