My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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