Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
false alarm, still single
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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