I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
