My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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