Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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