i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
