This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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