I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize