this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
