she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
