sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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