Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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