just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
