Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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