I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
