hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
