Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
