I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
