Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
