"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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