I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
