May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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