Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
