Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
