I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
