My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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