Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
